It's over, and it's official.

Squash for the recreational team has come to an end. So here I am, reflecting on what has been a mixed term in Squash. I've made friends, I've learnt so many things, and truth be told, I will miss it a lot. The feeling of not going to courts on Wednesdays anymore... It's just empty.

Here I am, reflecting on the times I've had. I've had fun times. Especially at chalet, at training, where I would just train with the people. Seeing them improve whilst my game has somewhat not improved as quickly did give me motivation. At the same time, I was proud of the people around me. They really improved and surpassed hardwork. Like, they worked really hard, the recre people.

Back to chalet, it was really fun, I found myself really into the spirit and the family. The recre barrier wasn't there. I really did not regret going to the chalet. At all.

When I first entered Squash, it was super fun and we really learnt a lot. Everyone started from ground zero, and of course, gradually, the learning curves managed to separate the elites from the rookies and... when it was announced that I was not going to be part of the team, I was shattered. It was not unexpected, I was prepared for that. Just that, to join only 1 PDP and not do well at it, it really dealt me a big blow. I was a senior leader in Scouts and a Treasurer in the Students Council in secondary school. It was a hard hit in the head to not actually be involved for the very first time. That was when I started to feel less motivated, and truth be told, that motivation I had in the first few months never really returned since. I just wanted to be able to play Squash, enjoy it and not to play competitively.

Which is why there are times I've truly doubted why I've even joined Squash in the first place. I would have been in Drama. Or Choir. Or House Comm. But I joined Squash, and till this day, I find myself struggling to find an explanation for choosing Squash over the rest. I keep on doubting if I had really joined the right PDP for me.

And truth be told, I really think I didn't join the right PDP.

It was not the perfect PDP for me. I knew that 2 months into training. I made the wrong choice. And till this day, I'll say the same. It was a wrong decision, simply because there are better options I could have opted for.

But, does the best option always provide the best for me? Maybe not. Let's just say, Squash gave me a different experience. Not a bad one, but a different one. Something very different from the other 3 PDPs I may have joined. It's just joining a sports PDP that is just... different. The culture is different, the people are different. It was certainly an eye-opener for me, to have been there and experienced it.

It's a mixed emotions kinda thing to leave Squash so abruptly, with all the tight schedules and stuff. I'll miss going to courts every Wednesday. It's a vacancy. It's definitely sad, but at the same time, I can also say I'm relieved that the pressure is lifted off me a bit. I wasn't going anywhere with my pace of learning, so, whilst I will continue learning Squash personally, I'm glad official training is over, just so that I can learn at my own pace, with my own style.

Squash has taught me more than just the game. It's also about the people I've met, what I've learnt from them, the sports culture that's so vastly different from the rigid Uniformed Group culture I had for 8 years, and just the way things work. It has been truly enjoyable for me, and I'm proud to say I've been a Squasher. Everyone in the school just sees Squashers as cool people, so I'm proud to be that one of them, even though I may weigh less in significance and popularity.

Sometimes I feel left out, because of the "recre barrier" that does tend to exist, causing a lack of interaction with the rest of the team. In fact, I'm not afraid to say that I do not enjoy being left out socially. But at the same time, I guess it's reality. Some people may view you differently, but at the end of the day, just be yourself. Nobody tells you to confine to fit in. It's you. If people appreciate who you are, they will accept you. Sometimes things don't work out, and I accept that.

It's fair to say this goodbye has been tough, tougher than my Scouts exit. Simply because Scouts was so much smoother, I really loved my time 110% then and it was just so good. Squash left me with scatters of regrets, but hey, it's also taught me that the grass is always greener on the other side, so just put your head down and do what you do.

Here's to a goodbye, but it's not a farewell. I'll still go back occasionally and maybe play for fun. It's not over, for sure. But for now, the official is done.

Clearing my locker tomorrow, bringing my racquet and shoes back home and leaving nothing behind. Memories will stay with me. The courts, while may not bear as much of a significance to me as to other people in the team, will always be a place where I can comfortably drop by and hit a few shots.

Thank you Squash, you've taught me a lot.

Bye
THE-MAN-STUCK-IN-BETWEEN

Song of the day:
Maroon 5 - Daylight
"Cus when the daylight comes I'll have to go..."