I'm insecure, yet I love to make fun of myself.

Ironic, you may think? Yeah, so do I.

I'm someone who cannot sit and feel comfortable in a restaurant alone. People walking past and settling down with their friends, and then there I am, sitting alone, trying to finish my meal. I cannot do that easily.

The one time I did it was recently at McDonalds at AMK somewhere in June. Because I booked out of camp for a scholarship interview, I had to settle my own meal before heading back in. So there I was, trying not to feel like I'm getting judged by people. I plugged my earphones into my phone, and watched YouTube while gorging down on my McSpicy.

Tell me to remove my earphones and just eat normally and I'll freak out.

Over the years, the problem seem to have eased off a bit. I am completely fine nowadays with shopping alone, going outside to get stuff and just taking-away food to bring home to eat. I can sleep alone in the dark (as has always been the case), and I can sit in my own house for the entire day even if I am the only one at home.

But eating alone is an unexplainable obstacle for me, and I don't really have an explanation for it. I guess it's just the phobia of being alone in public for an extensive period of time. I feel a bit lost.

I guess that's one of my biggest weakness? And I have absolutely no idea why I'm sharing this on my public blog. I think I just wanted to get this off my mind.

But hey, on the other end of the spectrum, I enjoy making fun of myself, especially on social media. I love poking fun at my unattractiveness, the amount of money I do not have, and the amount of relationships I have not gone through. It actually makes me happy that way for some reason. It's not being sadistic or being pitiful of myself'; I just love doing it and hopefully it makes others happy or entertained too.

Someone once said that we must learn to make fun of ourselves before making fun for other people (or something along those lines), something which I tremendously agree with. Just be light-hearted, and don't take what I say in public seriously (no seriously, please do not). Sometimes I can offend people unintentionally. For instance, sometimes when I make fun of my own exam results, it may be an insult to those people who may have been worse off and may have seen it as me being ungrateful. I'm sorry if you feel that way. But that ain't gonna stop me from making fun of myself.

I don't know. I just had the "feel" to type something on here, so I did.

Song of the day:
Ellie Goulding - Something In The Way You Move
(Yeah... I move like a newborn giraffe.)