I've attended a lot of BBQs lately.

From those traditional charcoal BBQs to Korean BBQs to even Thai BBQs (oh the spicy sweet sauces are amazing at Mookata).

And through all of that, I'm going to sieve through the different types of people you'll see at BBQs.

1. The expert

This person claims to have a Masters in Culinary Skills. Or maybe he just watches Hell's Kitchen a lot.

You can always find this person at the grill, cooking up a storm and delivering very amazing food to you. Sometimes you question yourself why you can't find these people more often for these occasions. You may even want them to cook for your wedding.

I've been to so many BBQs and the chicken wings always get severely burnt on the outside and yet still raw on the inside. Yet these experts can always do it just right.

2. The 'expert'

These people probably watch the culinary segment on Sesame Street. Although the closest to culinary you get on there is Cookie Monster munching his cookies.

They literally cook up a storm and set the entire place on fire, claiming that doing such can allow the meat to cook evenly. It sure does, because the whole meat now becomes charred and tens of dollars get burned.

They wreck havoc about 99% of the time, being at the grill but only making things worse.

3. The slackers

The slackers are an ordinary bunch, making up about 95% of the attendance at BBQs. Being the dominant species, the slackers often have the last say on how the meat tastes and how cooked the beef steaks should be. And yet they do nothing about it. Other than contributing towards the noise that will hopefully warm the food somehow.

Oh, and you can easily differentiate these people from the above two by smelling them. Experts (or 'experts', for that matter) smell of barbeque, but slackers don't. They smell as fresh as a daisy, in fact.

4. The saikang warrior

This is the person that cleans the trash, tidies the place after everyone leaves, and scrapes the BBQ pot at the restaurants. This person could have been a victim of a round of poker or two, or maybe he's just a ninja at the grill and his natural habitat only appears at the end of the BBQ. So he gets all the dirty work.

He's maybe also the one who carries the charcoal and slot them into the burning fire whilst the experts (or 'experts', again) stand aside and comment on their dress sense.

5. The latecomer

Somehow, especially for group BBQs, there will always be buggers who will show up when the fire's gone and everyone is just crowded around the pit with their marshmallows. Maybe the booze hasn't finished. Maybe that's why these people still come at 10pm.

Because who says no to booze, right?

6. The lobang

BBQs somehow always serve as an opportunity for lobangs to appear. They bring booze, they bring card games, they bring speakers. Whatever you need to spice up your party, these people are sure to have them conveniently slotted in their Doraemon front pockets.

Heck, they may even bring a friggin bag of charcoal if they wanted to.

7. The drunk

You know those people with low alcoholic tolerance? Yeah. Those people mostly appear during a BBQ. Because whilst Jolly Shandy, Somerset ciders and Breezers can make no sober man lying on the floor, it somehow manages to make some do exactly that.

People get drunk, and then they eat marshmallows, and then they puke all over the place. And then the saikang warriors will have to clean up the mess and the lobang will bring some tissues.

8. The snapper

That guy that must always snap a picture using the phone's app, and then switch over to snapchat to take another picture. Doing all of that as everyone is told to freeze and not touch anything. Just so the picture is nicer. Because the food is nicer to look at than all of you, bitches.

Snapping is this guy's proclaimed 'profession', and it is his duty to ensure that photos are taken even if no one gives two shits. Or one.

___________________________________________________________

I'm heading off to Brunei next week for almost an entire month, but no worries, because you will not miss my presence. I'm the ninja type.

Song of the day:
Fall Out Boy - Uma Thurman
(I can move mountains, I can work a miracle, work a miracle.)